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Jody F. Caregiver

What do I do if they don't want my help?

Mon, 11/05/2012 - 2:34AM

I'm a caregiver for my older brother who just got out of the hospital with his LVad a little over a week ago. I was nominated by my other siblings to be his caregiver because no one else in the family had the time to do it. I haven't really been around him in 25 years and I really don't know him well as I was 7 years old the last I saw him. Now he's living with me and it's like living with a stranger. He's rude, mean, unappreciative and pushes me away whenever I try to help him with anything. He won't even let me go into his doctor's appointments with him. He constantly yells at me for doing what I was trained to do when I took the LVAD classes. He won't listen to me when I tell him he need to do something like change his dressing and being sterile. He shuts himself up in his bedroom and locks the door and changes his own dressing so don't know if he's practicing the proper techniques I was shown. He's also abusive verbally and mentally. He told me if he finds out a person's weakness he will pick at them until he gets them upset. He says it entertains him to do so. He also hate animals and is abusive to my pets. I'm starting to wish I would have never agreed to do this. He may be blood but really I don't even care whether or not he lives or dies anymore. I don't know who I can talk to about this, that's why I came here. Should I tell the LVAD coordinators at the hospital about this? Will I still be forced to be his caregiver?

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MARILYN N.

Mon, 11/05/2012 - 7:04PM

YES, I WOULD DEFFENTLY INFORM THE HOSPITAL THEY CAN LEAD HIM TO THE CORRECT PERSON TO TALK TO. MY HUSBAND HAD A LVAD IN 2010, HE ADJUSTED VERY WELL. OVER TIME HE HAS LEARNED TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIMSELF, HE CHANGES HIS BATTERIES, DOES HIS OWN DRESSING ETC. I CAN LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR HOURS. I DO HOWEVER HAVE SIGNS ALL OVER THE HOUSE FOR EMERGENCY PROCEDURES. I WISH YOU AND HIM LUCK, THIS TAKES TIME, JUST GIVE HIM THE SPACE. AS FAR AS THE REST OF THE FAMILY, COULD BE THERE SCARED, OUR 7 YEAR OLD GRANDAUGHTER KNOWS HOW TO CHANGE HER PAPA'S BATTERIES, GOOD LUCK.

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Joanna H.

Tue, 03/12/2013 - 11:07PM

I'm sorry for your situation. I can relate somewhat as my dad doesn't want me bothering him with anything, other than to bring him food/ pills when necessary. He isn't motivated to better his health and it's incredibly frustrating. I understand the fact that you are sacrificing much to care for him and are not met with much gratitude. I hope that your situation has improved since you last wrote. It's a tough job we are doing! Hang in there!

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TitaniumHeartofGold

Thu, 03/14/2013 - 4:24PM

Maybe it's not my business - but since you opened it up on a public post I will give my opinion. LVAD or not, you should not tolerate his abuse. If he shows no respect for you, your house, or your pets, tell him to pack his bags and move to a shelter. If YOUR physical or mental health suffers by caring for him then tell the hospital staff that you can no longer do it and ask them to have the social worker speak with him to discuss other housing and care options. It's one thing for him to be cranky with you because he's having a bad day, but this seems to be way deeper. You are not a bad person for refusing to help him. You did help him, and now you need to go back to taking care of yourself. If your family can't alternate taking care of him for a few months then let the social worker place him in a more appropriate environment. Good luck and I hope your situation has improved.

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Karen N.

Sun, 07/13/2014 - 4:16PM

My husband had his LVAD since January and I noticed his temper is much shorter since he's been home. He does all his stuff on his own too and once in a while he will ask for help but not often. Mine is a case of mental abuse. Like today, he's made at me because he didn't have covers in bed last night, really??? Now he comes out and tells me he's going to take all the curtains down because in the morning I like to open the curtain on my side of the room since the sun doesn't hit that until afternoon and then I close it. but I closed the curtain early today and turned my light on and he came out yelling at me for that too